Becoming

by Everson Poe

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1.
I am not made of matter I am not made of light I carry so much weight in A void of soulless blight Search the woods but Find no fire Disappear in To the spire I’ll walk into the water I’ll plunge into its depths A freezing affirmation A pale and cold shipwreck Drag the lake but Find no body Disappear in To the theory Thick black oil Flows so freely I will soon be Gone completely Gone I am barren I am ghost I am see-through I am stained Steep the climb Numb the limbs In the stillness I give in How can I protect myself? How can I permit myself? How do I convince myself? How can I be someone else? Crack the bones In my face Rearrange How can I protect myself? How can I permit myself? How do I convince myself? How can I be someone else? Out in the ether I try to let go Burning in silence I lay in the snow Sick from the heartache of trying so long Secret imposter, how can I belong? Will I ever reach the peak? Scale the summit, see the other side? I am hollow, I am weak I have nowhere left to hide
2.
Becoming 07:03
I will lay down in the forest And let the moss grow over of me Mutation through self-hatred I want to become Refract into something new Growing like ivy on the walls of a lighthouse Until I am one with everything Until I cease to exist Annihilation The cycle begins as innocence Tainted by violence within the mind The dregs of memory resurfacing Pain is the ultimate form of release Cleansing fire lighting the path Blazed clean through the field A wound on the landscape A blameless act of destruction An endless loop Arms tied into a figure eight A mirror reflective Shimmering with light Celestial Crystalline structures Ouroboros veins The ocean calls to the stars Encompassed within me Celestial O, wretched bile Spill upon these shores Drench the landscape in bitterness All will be yours Celestial
3.
I am a haunted house My walls are lined with bones I am a temple My foundation made of stone I am the ghost that plagues The dreams of all who come I am collapsing Falling in on everyone Escape the structure Dismantle me Scatter the pieces in the sea Forever drowning In all my dreams It rises up to swallow me Crown me queen Of the sea On a throne Of misery Every castle Built will fall Time makes failures Of us all Every temple Falls to ruin All the faithful Never knew I’m always drowning in dreams I never try to escape The water filling my lungs Accepting this as my fate I’m always dying in dreams I never wanted to die I am resigned to my choice I can not live in this lie Water’s edge Sour taste No remorse Death awaits Unmarked grave Path unpaved Hell awaits This is fated
4.
A barren womb An empty chasm gives no life Forgotten tomb The architect of my demise I ache with you An unexpected revelation We split in two The rhythmic division of pairs Abandon the mask A necessary transformation A sacrifice I offer up an invitation This place is unfamiliar Its peaks and valleys treacherous Betrayed by my own body Again I reach a precipice Give me a reason to stay Abandon the mask A necessary transformation A sacrifice I offer up an invitation History repeats itself Forever cycling infinite Everything returns to ruin Give me a reason to stay The body is not sacred The body is a prison

about

released ten years to the day after the first everson poe album

50% of proceeds go to The Trevor Project to help suicide prevention among queer youth; more info at www.thetrevorproject.org

credits

released September 21, 2019

written, performed, produced, recorded, & mixed by mae shults
at hell's half acre studio, chicago in 33 days in august & september 2019

cover photo by tully kieffer

thank you: sarah, nina, justine, mac, tully, alex & tiff, mom & dad, em & chris

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about

Everson Poe Chicago, Illinois

Everson Poe is Mae Shults: a trans, queer, multi-instrumentalist from Chicago. Often in collaboration with various vocalists, she balances elements from many diverse genres while maintaining the goal of merging beauty with loudness. She has been releasing music for over a decade, and has been signed to Trepanation Recordings since 2020.

Logo by Sludgework.
Avatar by Unknown Relic.
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